Psalm of Thanksgiving

Hello friends,

Today I share with you a psalm of thanksgiving I had to write for one of my classes in my Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) program at Bethel University that I was enrolled in. The key word in this post is was. At the beginning of the new year, I made the hard yet God-filled decision to withdraw from the program. (To read about my decision check out my blog called; "Accepted: When I Didn't Believe Possible). Since the start of my program, I had really struggled with if being here was where I was supposed to be. Not because the program was too difficult but because I was struggling with something much deeper that hardly anyone knew about, my abortion. I cannot begin to explain the burden this secret had on my life. It was affecting every area of my life and I didn't even realize it. It wasn't until I shared about my abortion with my family that I was liberated from the darkness and depression that had consumed me.

For our class, Introduction to Old Testament, we were required to write a psalm of thanksgiving. Now if you're anything like me, you don't really know how to write a psalm, so what do we do in the age of internet access? We google it. Now, this psalm is my own, however, I did use someone else's psalm as a template to follow and draw ideas from. Here is the psalm that I wrote:

Oh Lord, my journey toward you has been so full of distractions.

By the winds of this world, they call to me.

Foolishly, at times I have listened.

Following wherever the wind calls.

I have tried to follow in this wake,

Only to find myself lost in the sea.

Oh Lord, each time the wind called your quiet voice spoke to me.

Reminding me who I was, and who I should follow.

For so long my soul longed for you.

For the peace and stillness, your presence offered.

And still, the winds of this world seemed so full of hope.

In earnest, I prayed for fulfillment,

Only to seek it in the wrong places.

Oh Lord, your grace and beauty called to me.

Like that of a bird's love song on the breeze.

In the stillness and silence, you called to me.

Like that of a gentle whisper.

My soul longed for you, even through the roaring winds.

My soul still sought the gentleness of your presence.

Oh Lord, how I wish I had not been caught up with the wildness of this world.

If I had only understood the peace and love of your calmness, of your grace.

Oh Lord, I know now that the presence of you is like the sweetness of fresh grass.

When the winds of this world call.

I will look to you in the stunning colors of red, orange, and purple of the sunrise.

For I know that with the rising sun, your warmth will fill me.

Your love will cover me like the spreading rays of the sun.

When I wrote this psalm of thanksgiving, my abortion was very much on my mind. To be honest, I didn't really feel like to could write a psalm of thanksgiving because of what I had done. How could I write praise to my God when I had committed murder? This is the beauty of Christ that will always amaze me, He offers us forgiveness and freedom because He loved us (John 3:16). We can write psalms of thanksgiving to Him even after committing horrendous sins because He delivered us from our unrighteousness. We need not look any further than the psalmist himself, King David. There is an entire book of the Bible that is full of psalms to our Maker. King David was no perfect man, even though we are told in the Bible that he was a man after God's own heart (1 Samuel 13:14, Acts 13: 22). And that's just it, King David was human, susceptible to sin and fell short many times. Christ is the only one who was and can ever achieve perfection.

I didn't realize it at the time of writing this psalm, but I was writing to my future self who would have the compacity and healing to see I had already been redeemed and restored. That what the enemy had meant for evil, my abortion, God would turn it around and use it for His good (Genesis 50:20). It is my belief that the Lord will use my testimony to do His work. I'll be honest, I don't know what that will look like I just know that He will use me. And that's all that matters to me.

Lord, I thank you for the ability to look back on our most painful moments and still find you, walking alongside us. I thank you that you freely offer us your forgiveness and freedom for it is only through you that we can lift up a psalm of praise and thanksgiving. Lord, it is my prayer that you'd use what the enemy meant for evil and turn it around to use it for Your good. Lord, it is my prayer that you'd use my testimony to reach the lost and hurting. Amen.